Today is July 26th. It's the day I have been dreading. Today marks 6 months since encephalitis hit. It's been 6 months since Suzy went to the hospital in an ambulance, and stayed in a coma. 6 months of pain and suffering that she has had to endure. 6 months of living in this nightmare.
The worst part about July 26th? - Because the doctors always said, "Let's see how the first 6 months go." "The first 6 months is the critical period." "Most of her recovery will be in the first 6 months." "We will get a better picture of Suzy after the first 6 months."
For 6 months I prayed to God. I asked Him to make July 26th a wonderful day. I begged Him to give her abundance recovery. I have wished on shooting stars, picked 4-leaf clovers, and meditated for healing energy.
So, here we are on July 26th. It's been 6 months, and Suzy is still pitiful. She can't hold her head up and look around for more than a few moments. She can't balance herself, or focus on an object for more than seconds. She can't roll over, play, or even sleep without meds. She still cries for the majority of the day.
Has she made progress? yes! Are we grateful for that progress? of course! But do we wish there had been more? you bet! I wanted to focus on the positive, but today is July 26th.It's been 6 months! Today I can only focus on her future. Will she live her life in a wheelchair? Will she ever color, or suck on a popcicle, or feel grass in her toes? Will she ever get married, or read, or say, "I love you mommy." Will she ever sing, or have her own friends, or chew gum? Will she even live into adulthood? And if she does, who will take care of her when we are old and weak? Who will lift her into the tub, or change her diapers? And, when we die, who will love her as much as we do?
Today is July 26th, and it's been 6 months. Today is a depressing day for me.
Tomorrow, I will put on my 'happy face', and button up my 'positive overcoat', and fasten on my 'badge of courage'. Tomorrow I will encourage Suzy, and push her to succeed, and focus on all of her improvements, and talk about how wonderful she is doing!!
But today........., I will just feel sad.